Proof Im a good mom...besides the mohawk

We went to meet the Easter bunny this week. I wobbled through it, and felt better that he had a good Saturday because of it. He doesnt know what all these hoilidays are really for yet, but if it involves candy, he supports it.

The Mohawk...yes. Thank Rob for ordering new clippers of the internet and saying that he will never go to the hair cutting places again as he is pro. He was cutting his medical school friends (who are all in to save $) then took it to Tommys head. Just in time for his hair to look great for all the pictures we will be taking when the baby arrives. Tommy calls it his "peahawk". Whatever, he's fed and clothed. Thats my only goals lately.

iPhone Pictures

If you're like Rob and I, most of our life is captured on our iPhones. Yes, we have a very nice camera, and video camera, but the phone is always there to capture the moment. Sometimes I realize that I have so many fun things we've done and the only way I can prove to Tommy one day what great parents we were is to document it. They are always random, but still need to be posted for the lack of scrap booking and photo book skills which I don't possess. Printing the blog is an easy way out, and well, that's perfect for me.

I also find pictures and videos which Tommy captures himself and I don't know they are there until I randomly find them. This is a real treat, and hilarious to us cause we are catching him start to lie a little. He tattles on himself constantly saying he "didn't" do something right after or while he is still doing it. This is great 'cause for some reason he knew it was wrong to take a picture of his butt, and was doing it anyways and telling Rob he "wasn't taking a picture of his bum Daddy". Enjoy.

Tommy loves to dress up. Whomever said girls were the only ones who liked to dress up did not have boys. Tommy's imagination is blossoming, and with it comes so many fun memories. We have a dress up box in his room with things I buy after Halloween clearance, second hand stores, ect. Rob came home from work early the other day, and Tommy asked him to dress up too. I said, "Sweetie, daddy can only dress up as a doctor." Little did I know what Rob had up his sleeve...



Tommy has also had some issues with his eyes lately...like putting things in them. Last week we heard a blood curdling scream from the bath tub. We found him with an empty bottle of shampoo and the rest in his eyes and mouth. We thought he learned his lessons after flushing his eyes with tons of water and eye drops...but no. We found him the next day with a WHOLE bottle of toothpaste in his EYES! Ouch. Rob to the rescue again. Then last Thursday I got a call from the preschool that Tommy had shoved a stick in his eye and needed to go to the ER to make sure he didn't scratch his cornea. Really Kid?? Lay off the eyes. Hes fine luckily, but I'm hoping the lesson has sunk in.


I know that I say this a lot, but really, my husband is a total rock star. He has had to kick in to ultra rock star mode since my pelvis separated. He is always asking to help, do laundry, make beds, and clean. He took Tommy to a family weekend without me, and made sure I rested. As soon as he got home, its not Dr Stoker, its Mr Dad 100%. He's dressing up, taking Tommy and four other 3-year-olds to the zoo and helping me with physical therapy. He's just too great, and I only hope he can hold out for as long as we will need him. He's already doing so much!! Oh, and going to Medical School on the side.

Top 10 Signs Kate is Ready for Marriage

Kate's Dad was digging through some old files today and emailed me a copy of his "Top 10 signs that Kate is Ready for Marriage," which he read at our reception on our wedding day. I hadn't heard them for a long time and and I had other things on my mind at the time, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Here's the Top Ten:

10: Finally confessed to bishop of secred marriage to Ecuadorian Doctor who saved her life

9: Allows Robbie to call her Master and Commander rather than Lord Vader

8: Was recently allowed to drive her own car at the Disneyland Autopia

7: Has cut Diet Coke consumption to tow gallons per day

6: Slowed down her speech so chipmunks can now understand her

5: Now engages in small talk with dad before hitting him up for money

4: Has memorized the recipe for boiling water

3: When driving Montero, no longer refers to pedestrians as "prey"

2: Has changed her college major to math to feel more challenged at the U

And the Top Sign that Kate is Ready for Marriage...

1: No longer arm wrestles in sleazy Provo Bars for quarters

Thanks Tom. We had some great laughs tonight.

Crazy how Im having a baby...

I wonder if it will ever sink in...I'm having another human? I try to think about it, but nope, still feels weird to think about. I'm overwhelmed at the thought, yet it still wont register. Not at all like I'm unaware that I'm pregnant... I'm huge. The kinda huge where I wouldn't recognize myself if I saw me on the streets. My stretch marks are expanding and darkening, making me resemble a zebra. I found out last week in an xray that my pelvis/ pubic synthesis was completely separated, and now get to wear a brace, and have physical therapy 3 times a week so I can walk. I peed 14 times LAST NIGHT...Really, I counted. So, why with it staring at me in the face do I still not grasp the fact that I'm growing an actual person and he is mine, and he will be here in like 9 weeks? I still feel like I'm not an adult some days, barley capable of keeping the human I already grew, alive, and be a good girlfriend to my husband. Ha, I'm guessing it will sink in pretty fast, but for now, I'm just really fat and uncomfortable, and watching a lot of Netflix...while growing a human. Isn't it a miracle?

Friends...

Note to all friends and family,

In case you were wondering if my last post was a suicide note, it wasn't. I'm fine, alive, and chugging along. Really what options do we have? We cry, get angry, and then get over it cause we still have to live lives, take care of family, and ourselves. After a long few days, some help from some friends, I'm not ready to drive away from life...this week.

My best friend sent me this link about the friends in our lives. Being in a place where I have no immediate family really (my side), I've come to make friends my family. I don't intend to stop this happening, as in the upcoming year I'm sure with residency we'll be far away from family. I loved this cause so many faces came to my mind as I read each description. Some of my friends qualified in all categories...I don't know how my world would keep spinning without the friends in my life. You know who you are...

A writer Elizabeth Hill wrote:

In the last 11 years — while living in four states, three time zones and five homes — I have had a ton of experience making and keeping friends. Across this great continent, I’ve observed that I have consistently needed five types of friends to keep me sane and balanced.

First off, I trust your husband is hopefully your friend — best friend, even. However, he is not, never will be and never should be your all-in-one everything. No person should ever be burdened with fulfilling your every need, wish and whim for companionship. You will still need other women, both older and younger, to mentor you, serve you and look up to you.

My favorite and dearest friend is the Old Friend variety, who is like your favorite T-shirt: comfy, worn-in and, no matter what your mood, totally appropriate. This Old Friend knows your crazy family history and can write a pamphlet on why you are the way you are and how they like you anyway.

She’s probably seen you in your underwear, heard you sobbing over the phone or held you while you despaired over new-mom woes. You don’t have to worry about being far away because, somehow across the miles or around the block, you are still best friends and comfortable in whatever state your friendship is in.

Here's something to note: Sisters make great Old Friends.

Another essential friend is the Deep Friend. She’s the one who is like a therapist, only cheaper — and probably happy to eat ice cream with you as you delve into what makes a marriage really groovy.

The Deep Friend is perfectly at peace with dissecting your family background and how that formed the person you are now. She loves discussing the world; religion; and how to have a better, happier and richer life. She is worth her weight in gold — or Prozac.

Your Mentor Friend is often the age of an older siblings or even your mother. Even though she might say the same things your mother does, you don’t roll your eyes or search for the number to the local mental hospital. It sounds so right and true and a lot less annoying coming from the Mentor Friend. You mother probably sends her a script, but who cares? The Mentor Friend commiserates and validates your concerns.

The Mentor Friend says, “I’ve been there,” without sounding condescending. She watches your children because she misses her own and she makes sure to remind you often to make time for yourself. Sure, she might be slightly outdated when you compare her to all your hipster sisters, but the Mentor is one irreplaceable friend.

A subset of the Mentor Friend is the Younger (Sister) Friend. To her, you are the mentor and the voice of reason when all pooh breaks loose with small children. As the Mentor Friend, you get to share your hard-earned lessons, helping steer the Younger Friend toward the light at the end of the nursing or toddler tunnel. It is insanely rewarding to share the small tidbits of wisdom that someone once delivered to you when you were buried under laundry and sporting under-eye bags the size of Manhattan.

Our next friend is one of my current favorites: the Surprise Friend. Finding this person is like visiting your local thrift store looking for a cool Halloween costume and you find J.Crew pants for $2. Surprise Friends are like sprinkles on the cake of life: colorful and unexpected.

The Surprise Friend is the one you meet at a play group or school meeting and your first reaction is that you have nothing in common and she probably has socks that cost more than your entire wardrobe.

Then you find out, as time goes on, that she’s not as shallow or weird as you originally thought and the notion of spending time with her sitting on a park bench watching your children hang by their toes doesn’t make you gag or feel like getting a root canal. You find that the Surprise Friend is actually funny. And smart! And not shallow! And she’s even willing to share her gold-plated socks!

The last and most-important friend you can have is one that took me many moons to collect. She’s one that many don’t realize is a necessity. It’s You.

You should be one of your closest friends — and no, Dr. Phil did not pay me to say that. I hope that little voice in your head is like a great coach and not the mean girls from 6th grade, inherently critical and smarmy.

I’ve trained myself to control my inner dialogue so that when I lose it and holler at one of my children for hitting their sibling (again) my first response is not, “You’re a loser mother,” but instead, “You will do better next time.”

Some women still feel this adolescent need to always be with someone, texting someone or planning daily mommy play dates. But it’s OK to just be — to be with yourself and your thoughts and have awkward conversations like:

You: “Hi.” Self: “Hi.” You: “How ar—” Self: “Fine.” You: “Are you going to work out at th—” Self: “Eh, probably not.” You: “Really? You know how good you feel afterw—” Self: “I know. I should... OK, I’ll go.” You: “Awesome! You're gonna lose 10 pounds!”

Awkward, yes. Helpful? Double yes.

And though I am a certified extrovert who has a habit of slightly over-sharing and is a lover of people, I think many women need these distinct relationships to make their lives richer and happier.

Are these five friend styles the only ones suitable for sustaining a healthy friend closet? No. Is it necessary to collect friends like charm bracelets? Unless you're in 6th grade, no.

But I do know that it has taken many types of women over many years to help me be a better person, a better mother, a better wife. I need them. I need their wisdom, their laughter and their genuine humanity to rub off on me.

Is there ever time for the mom?

Tommy is three, a very active three year old. To those of you who have no tolerance for moms complaining for a second, don't read. But I'm ready to blow. Its been a test today, to see how long my child goes without "needing" me...the longest spurt was 2 min. Being pregnant and tired, and trying to still stay on top of the bare essentials, there is no rest, ever it seems. I try to sit on the chair and put my feet up, only to hear crashing in the back room where Tommy fell of his bunk bed. Then seeing his room, I see every item of clothing removed from the dresser (I have no idea why) and the beds I had just made turned into some sort of hideout. 30 minutes of work for me was destroyed in 3 minutes. I yell and loose my cool, as I am so much more these days, and try to get him to help me clean up. I find myself giving into battles with him just cause I don't have the energy to fight or disciple. I take him swimming to tire him out, and give my pelvis some much needed weight off my feet release. I'm the only thing he wants to climb on or swim with. I become a jungle gym in second, and end up much more exhausted than I began. After we got out of the gym shower and getting dressed, Tommy empties the bottle of shampoo back into his hair. I almost cry and want to throw him in the pool. But only one change of clothes. On the way to the car, he runs away from me, only to loose his balance, and fall in the biggest muddy ice puddle. He screams in pain, and he is covered in brown water. I wrap him naked in a towel and throw him in his car seat and drive home, trying not to go crazy. As I'm staring a load of laundry of wet towels, Tommy announces he just peed in the middle of our carpet. WHAT? Hes perfectly potty trained? I fly off the handle again, and pray not to totally loose it. I then remember that our dryer (20 years old) is broken and cant be fixed as of a day ago, which means I'm going to be hauling all this to the laundry mat. The tears start to come...I hurt everywhere. i feel car sick. I cant do this one more second. I say I need a time out, and try to find a website with something inspirational to get me through the next 30 minutes. But that involved me not being there with Tommy, and he spilled apple juice (accident, I don't know). I make it through 30 seconds of a "Mormon message" and yell, "Can I not get 30 seconds to myself"?? Tommy begins to cry, and so do I. I know he didn't sign up for this, and some days I wonder why I did. But I calm down, clean up the pee and juice, and sit him inn front of the Disney channel for who knows how long he will last, and say "I'm sorry for yelling, I love you", and start to write here. I need to fall apart somewhere, and I'm sure others have felt this way. But where do you turn for peace? I think tonight will need to be a date night for myself...maybe a dollar movie or something. My husband will be happy to give me a few hours I'm sure, and I need it. Hopefully with a little break and a good bath, tomorrow I wont loose it by 9 AM like today.

Beaver and Baby Hearts

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote down anything, let alone in our blog. But I have a second today and wanted to update. Rob is doing his family practice rotation for Medical school in Beaver, where he grew up. It’s a month long rotation, and he is loving being back in his old stomping grounds and seeing people at the clinic. It’s a rare medical practice in that since the town in so small, these family practitioners are allowed to do almost all procedures…all. So Rob is getting tons of surgery, colonoscopies, baby deliveries, and about everything else. We are staying with his parents there in Beaver, and I thought I really could do the “small town” thing. Well it turns out the “small town” really isn’t so much my “thing”. Ive spoiled my child living in a super active area with preschool, weekly zoo & museum visits (season pass), pool, and play dates almost daily. It’s pretty easy when your whole ward in in one apartment complex to always entertain your 3 year old. Beaver, not so much. We needed to come home every week for my doctors appointments anyways, and after my week trying to figure out how to entertain my kid in the in-laws house with nothing to do, we decided that we’d come back to Salt Lake during the week, and do weekends with Rob, since that is when he saw us anyways. We miss Robbie, but are happy to have some things to break up our days here.

This week was a little crazy to start off with. While down with Rob this weekend, Tommy said he was feeling sick. Understatement. He was sick all day Sunday and through the night. At one point in the night, I went in to see him throwing up on himself but not waking up. He was unresponsive, and I panicked and threw him in a blanket and in the car to go to Primary Children’s. Upon having him evaluated, I was lectured on the risks of dehydration. I reassured them that they are dealing with the most OCD mom there is, and I don’t mess around with my kids being sick. His levels in his blood were so off the charts that they said this is when little bodies start shutting down. It made me sick that within 8 hours my kid was so dangerously ill. They admitted us to make sure that he could level out, and 13 hours, 4 ½ IV bags later, and Zofran, we were able to get home. That very same day I had the appointment for my baby that I have been dreading for weeks, and I knew I had to do it without Rob.

With all the karyotypes coming back normal, all of us were shocked. They said with the levels I had, it would be likely there would be heart problems however. This was still a relief to hear knowing that we could fix most of them so the baby could live. I had to wait till the baby was big enough that they could do an echocardiogram on the baby itself. Crazy how they can do it on a BABY! I had the EKG done, and had 2 different doctors come and do it, as the first one was sure that maybe she was missing something. But she wasn’t…WE HAVE A HEALTHY HEART! The baby is anticipated to have a perfectly normal heart at birth, and be normal. I sobbed of course and felt the urge to throw up for a few seconds, but called Rob. We both were thrilled, but still had weird reactions inside. It’s like we finally can be excited that this baby is going to make it, but we didn’t know how to handle that news and try to start to be excited. We have had nothing but worry and tears for months, and now in the matter of one day, we flip the switch and are supposed to be unworried and ready. We didn’t want to set cribs up, go through storage and get the baby stuff cause it may be too hard to put it back. Now we can, and we need to get used to the idea that all will be okay, and this baby is coming in about 12 weeks. Now we can finally soak up the miracle that is inside me and not worry about what will happen when he’s born. He will be like every other baby as far as we can tell, and it is a miracle. There are times in your life when you say, “Wow, we got so lucky”. This isn’t one of them. This isn’t “luck” at all. This is divine, and we know it. Drue is meant to come to us, and we are going to work on getting ready for this little powerhouse of a spirit.